My Chosen Path to Motherhood: Why I Used a Donor and Became a Single Mom by Choice
I didn’t always want to be a mom.
For most of my 20s, the idea of children didn’t sit high on my list of dreams. I was focused on building a life that felt like mine—career, travel, healing, peace. But somewhere along the way—probably while watching my sisters love on my nieces and nephews—I noticed something shifting. I wasn’t just babysitting. I was helping raise them. And I loved the way it felt: being needed, showing up with care, being a consistent, grounding force.
But here’s the twist: when I imagined my family, it was always just me, my kids, pets, and peace. No man in the picture. No yelling, no compromising my joy. Just love. Still, I continued dating, vocalizing that I wanted marriage and kids—but deep down, I knew: the kids I imagined didn’t reflect the men I was meeting.
So one day, I just said it to myself plainly:
I’m not seeing the man. I’m not going to force the vision. I’ll do it alone.
Choosing a Donor (a Capricorn Did This, of Course)
When I decided to pursue single motherhood, I didn’t go the anonymous route. I chose a man I didn’t know, but respected as a person and admired in terms of physical health, intellect, and genetics. We went on a few interviews to ensure we both felt comfortable and understood the terms and future; donating was kind of his thing and has done it before. We then created a legal contract—because I’m a Capricorn and a social worker and, well, documentation is love language #1.
The contract:
Relieved him of all parental rights and responsibilities
Left the door open if our child wanted to reach out in adulthood
Clearly established that we were not friends, co-parents, or anything in between
Clean, peaceful, clear. Just how I like it.
Pregnancy Prep: Books That Helped Me Feel Powerful
Once I was pregnant, I dove deep into my research. I wasn’t just winging it—I wanted to feel prepared on every level.
I ordered two books on Amazon that became my lifelines:
📘 Oh Sis, You’re Pregnant! by Shanicia Boswell
A vibrant, sister-to-sister guide that centers Black women and walks you through pregnancy, labor, and postpartum with honesty, cultural relevance, and love.
📗 Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austin
A powerful memoir that explores the intersection of race, adoption, and single motherhood, while breaking down what it means to raise Black children in America.
These books helped me feel emotionally grounded, physically ready, and mentally organized. I even built my birth plan and hospital checklist from the tips they offered—and two years later, I still reference them.
Why I Chose Single Motherhood
I’d be lying if I said this was purely about empowerment. The truth is, part of my decision came from observing real life. I looked at the numbers. I looked at the women around me. I saw how many single mothers were doing everything without the title. Some were navigating toxic co-parenting relationships with men who only popped in to make their lives harder.
I didn’t want to negotiate my child’s well-being. I wanted peace—from conception to birth to bedtime routines. And that’s exactly what I created.
So… How’s It Going?
My daughter is almost two years old now. She’s thriving, smart, joyful, and deeply loved. She’s well provided for and, if we’re being real—she’s probably more spoiled than some of her peers.
Some people look at me sideways when I say I have a contract donor baby. Nurses and doctors sometimes fumble their words. Others can’t wrap their heads around it at all. But guess what?
That’s not my business.
I made a decision that honored my heart, my values, and my vision for motherhood. And I don’t regret a single step.
Would I do it again? Yes. With the same donor, even—so my daughter could have a full sibling. But now I’m dating, so we’ll see how that plays out. Maybe another donor baby. Maybe a half-sibling. Maybe a blended family. Only Jehovah knows.
What I do know is: I chose single motherhood, and it was the right choice for me.
Resources for Other Women Considering This Path:
Want to check out the books I mentioned?
Here are the Amazon links I used:
Oh Sis, You’re Pregnant! by Shanicia Boswell
Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austin
(👆🏾Affiliate links—if you buy through these, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.)